Both important parts of a new beginning.
I took some time to go through my emails this afternoon.
With all the crazy shenanigans of adoption week and so much more, I had over 300 emails by the time I started deleting them today.
As some of you know, I started taking an online course last week that teaches you how to use the online space to make money.
It is an amazing course and I am loving what I am learning, especially with how it will enable me to stay home with my kids while being creative and staying local and active in our community. It seems like a win on every side.
It has made me very aware of the brain space that I use in just deleting emails that, quite frankly, are junk.
I unsubscribed to so many different email lists today.
(Why did I need Big Lots and Dollar General ads, again???)
It was a little annoying to do all the clicking, but so very freeing to start making some progress.
I felt like I was taking time back from where I have lost so much the past few years.
I felt like I was organizing life in a better way from where my energy had been sucked out of me the past few years
And then I opened the email from adoptUSkids.org.
That was a tough one.
For over three years I have been clicking through that website. In the beginning, I would scroll it sometimes on a daily basis, praying and looking for our two kids that I know that God had shown me.
One time, Tim even found two children that seemed like they fit both the description in our heart, and what would work for our family.
When we thought Little Buddy was going home, and he was just so hard and things were just so awful, I would login online and look for kids that were easier and more peaceful and just needed a home.
I searched for sibling sets, reading the comments on how to keep them together, and why they worked so well together.
As I stared at the screen this afternoon, all these memories came flooding back to me.
So many times, I was tempted to leave our profile outdated so I could not access these kids anymore.
So many times, I overrode my aching heart because I could not stop looking at these kids that needed love and homes and prayer.
A few times, I even cut out their pictures from a printed page and taped them near my desk or to my calendar to remember to pray for them. I would check in months later to see that they had found their forever homes.
When you can’t unsee something, the next best thing is to see it through to find peace in your heart.
Today I feel like I have to say goodbye to this part of me.
I feel like I have to accept this part of what I cannot change so I can move forward to do the things to fix the problem in my corner of the world.
I am going to let our profile lapse and I am going to stop logging in to see those kids.
I know that I have finally found a way to help the problem in our corner of the world.
I know that taking these classes and learning so much about the online space is going to enable me to do more in the world for adoption and foster care and substance abuse and addiction and domestic violence and all the things that I have witnessed and had to keep silent about up until this point.
I know I cannot give this new part of me the best of me if I continue to hold onto things that were a part of the past that need to stay there.
If any of you are at all interested in walking with me on this next part of our journey to help our corner of the world, comment here or send me a message and I will add you to the email list so you can at least see what’s going on.
There is so much to be done, and so many ways that each one of us can help with our corner of the world.
Me? I will start by loving these six kids in my home that depend on me to raise them to fulfill their dreams. Then I will take all that I have learned about the needs in our community to take the next step to change our county and beyond. And I will be using the online space and all these classes to do it.
Saying goodbye to some things can be so very hard, even when we can see a little bit of what is ahead of us. I know those kids are out there, I know they need prayer, but I also know that if I move forward with what I see ahead of me, I can help fix the problem down the line, before these kids get into the system and before they end up on this website.
Truly, it takes a village and I invite everyone of you to come alongside of me with it.
Here’s to our new adventure, no matter how difficult it may sometimes seem to close the chapter behind us.
Disclaimer: any of the clickthroughs you find on my pages are links to products that I have used and love and trust. I may make a small commission on anything you purchase on the other side of the link, so please know it will go to fund my crazy projects, wild ideas and writing habits. It will not cost anything extra for you. Thank you for your love and support!